After winning a lapse from the Dakar 2018 without being signed up to compete, Lorenzo Llama became kind of a cult celebrity in Peru and neighbouring countries. Recently, Archivaldo Mosquera, a journalist for the Colombian news agency Cadena Caracol, interviewed the Renegade, and this is what he said:
A.M.: Lorenzo, were you aware that the KTM pilot you had the incident with is no other than British ace Sam Sunderland, who won last year's Dakar with KTM and was trying to repeat the title?
L.Ll.: Uh, no, not really, but after I made him go to the ground in the desert he should change his name to "Sand-erland", ha, ha! (celebrates the joke loudly, delighted at his own wit).
A.M.: Did your victory in the Dakar lapse finally bring you the fame that your promotional posters didn’t?
L.Ll.: yeah, it’s strange but I thought I looked badass on the posters and that people would instantly love me, but for some reason it didn’t work out that way. Apparently they needed to see the real thing, to touch the wools, to feel the muscles, to witness the legend in action; that’s when they couldn’t resist any longer and things fell in their right place.
A.M.: We have a few questions from people on social media. This man by the acronym
BSJ expresses his concerns about you getting into the USA once Donald Trump’s wall is built and asks if you are going to do a Kevel over the wall.
L.Ll.: Well, I always carry with me this vinyl from some probably unknown old British rock band, it’s called “The Wall”. I’ve never listened to it, but it’s remarkably comfortable to sit over. In fact –looks below his bottom- I’m sitting on it right now! Man, does it feel good! And yes, when I do my Kegels… doctor’s orders, you know… when I do them I’m normally sitting over this vinyl, so if that’s the question, yes, I’ll do a few Kegels over The Wall, just like I do most days.
As for this Trump guy, he’s vastly underestimating me if the thinks my love for Nieve can be stopped with just a wall. I’m latino, yes, as you can tell from my charm, but I have many contacts in Hollywood who will make me go past those frontier gates with just a phone call. So tell this Trump guy that the only Donald I have some respect for is Donald Duck, and that is only when Daisy isn’t around, because then he’s the worst kind of henpecked there is.
A.M.: Another one from
BSJ : why are you headed for Ohio?
L.Ll.: Well, that’s where my beloved Nieve lives. Sure, she’s doing some boring activities and travelling in public transport through some tourist traps in Europe with that weirdo, but her British visa will expire at some point and she’ll have to go back to her hometown. I’ll be awaiting for her, and that’s when we will meet and she’ll finally get to experience what being with a real male llama feels like.
A.M.: You have recently spoken about Banana Llama and the friendship you had with him when you were young, back in your home puna. Now, what do you know of Bandana Llama, who is said to be Banana Llama’s twin brother?
L.Ll.: Uh, yeah, I know him, he was around too… they are twins, very similar to each other, but… I’ll tell you a little secret… I’ve always suspected Banana Llama and Bandana Llama are the same guy. I couldn’t tell for sure, but when we were young, you know, I can’t recall having them seen together, in the same place at the same time, not even once, I think. You were hanging out with Banana Llama, then he went away, and ten or fifteen minutes later Bandana Llama would appear trying to sell you drugs, illegal weapons, spittable bullets and that sort of thing. That’s how it went for years... It’s not that difficult, you add yourself a “d” and a bandana and suddenly you are another guy. Look at what happened in the US decades ago: the police was after an evil drug dealer called Nelson Willie, they couldn’t find him, and suddenly this kind, softy, innocent country music singer called Willie Nelson appears out of nowhere… with a bandana on his head!
So, there, draw your own conclusions about individuals wearing bandanas…
Hey, can I ask you a favour? Don’t publish this. After all, Bandana Llama is as much an enemy of the law as I am, and among bandits we have this sort of unwritten rule by which we don’t mess with each others’ business, so please don’t publish this… or I’ll have to kill you… is it clear?
A.M.: Ok, ok, Lorenzo, it’s clear, rest assured that what you said about Bandana Llama won’t come out when this interview is published. Anything else you’d like to reveal about… err, to add about Bandana Llama before we move on to another subject?
L.Ll.: uuhhmm, yes. Years ago, when he lived in Argentina, he created a teen pop girl band, of humans, of course… not because he respected llamas more than humans but because he had pay for the outfits they would use in the shows and humans have only two feet so he saved a lot in shoes. How do you think he called this band? “Bandana”! Such an egocentric fart! Although, if I come think about it… if I ever managed a girl band, I think “Lorenzo” would be a beautiful name for it… or, better yet, “Renegado”! Anyway, Bandana was a success and Bandana Llama made some money with them, but it turns out they were a front for a prostitution net.
Look, I have the album here… no, this one I don’t use to sit over, I actually do listen to it, often… quality music, man! Quality music.
A.M.: Have you seen pictures of Welsh sheep trying to emulate Bandana Llama? *shows picture that
unomusette posted* It appears he has gained popularity among some subcultures in Great Britain.
L.Ll.: Ha! The bandana is there, yes, but that could well mean that sheep is a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean for all we know. What there’s no doubt about is that he’s an admirer of mine, as the motorbike clearly shows. Or did you miss that detail?
A.M.: Last question: No Cause for a Llama has taken Nieve to Paris. Anything to say about that?
L.Ll.: No Cause playing the Parisien, huh? I’m sure it’s just a very convenient excuse to go weeks without taking a shower.
A.M.: Thank you Lorenzo. Good luck with the rest of the trip and conquering Nieve.
L.Ll.: You are welcome.
He's so awful, it's a gift. 
(signature): Judge, Roy “Woodeye” Wood Date: 1/08/2018 
, but we're OK. 
Apparently it's quite hard to see them with the naked eye, you need to be looking through a camera or other type of lens?