Highness Lord Dame Jeff, Genius's HYDE PARK CONCERT- 14/09/14
McCartney and Bolan! Get off me cloud! barks Lennon as he and George fly off in pursuit of Hip Hop Robot and her passengers. Two shoves and the sounds of Dooooooo’s, and terrified screams of Maaaaaa Maaaaaa Belleeeeee’s slowly fade away.…
Before the 52 bomber, that Hip Hop Robot and crew hitched a ride on, flew past Hyde Park, Hip Hop detached from it and they soared to the park. Well of course they all got twisted about and lost each other when they plummeted and hit earth!
Please don’t tell me you didn’t see THIS happening?
Scattered like ants out of a hornets nest, they run out in all directions. Some crawl under the stage; others climb on. How did they get away with all this? Jeff Lynne, Genius is on stage – who cares?
Ringo had the common sense not to follow those loonies. Besides, he has his own agenda. Yesterday, when refilling his Hard Day’s Night coat pockets (he kept that nifty cap, too) with drum sticks, Ringo found Lord Dames favorite spare shades that he picked up when Lord Damey, in frustration, had thrown on the ground during a I Won’t Let It Be mood. Ringo knows the place of importance they are in Jeff, Genius’s life, and that they will be needed on this momentous day. Help is what Jeff needs, and Ringo will be there for him.
There he is! Just off stage and tapping his foot in annoyance is, Highness Lord Dame Jeff, Genius, himself, waiting for Chris Evans to get tired of his own voice. Lord Dame loudly hiss’s, Piss off Evans – Enough! Evans hearing this and seeing Jeff’s stink eye, books it off stage yelling in double time, Notapinkgoldsilvergreenredpurplesky, but Mr Blue Sky!!
All Over The World!!!!!
Our Hero gets in a bit of a rough patch with Evil Woman. Ringo, thinking he has time to buy a few commemorative T-shirts, hears Jeff sing, “I don’t know what I’m saying”, and hurriedly grabs a bunch of shirts, throws drumsticks at the vendor and does his best dog elbowing in the direction of the front barriers. As he battles through the crying and screaming hysterical million fans, he thinks, for the be-thousandth time, I have to get this bloke in me band! Richard!! Richard!! screams Ringo. Ringo!? Please go away; we’re a little busy right now! (Snarky Starkey horns in - Not this bums rush again!! Don’t ever think of asking to join me band, Mr Dandy Tandy!) NO! NO! I’ve Jeff’s favorite spare shades!! Oh! You’re a life saver, Ringo!! cries an exhausted, worry wart Richard, who is now a relieved burnt-out worry wart. Highness Lord was so out of sorts about his favorite spare shades, so to calm him down, his woven and knotted Tibetan, Buddhist prayer rug made in Kathmandu, was dragged from the Palace for him to stand on. P-l-e-a-s-s-s-e-e t-u-r-n-n-n t-h-e-m-m o-v-v–v-e-r-r. Ringo hops on the barrier and falls on his…..back…. got ya! Jeff!! Jeff!! shrieks Ringo, hopping up and down, waving the favorite spare shades. Our Hero, getting ready to give Ringo his famous lethal stink eye, notices them. CATCH!! In between cord changes Our Hero makes the catch and waves his favorite’s high in the air and his million billion fans are frenzied! Jeff, overwhelmed, wipes the spares on the tail of his handmade dress shirt. (It was a two for oner special at Custom Shop Clothier in downtown Birmingham last week). Now that the Extra Hot Pink Eyeliner and matching Mascara (that his Ninja Groupies thought he left behind) applied just minutes ago are dried, his sight line improved, AND his favorite spare shades in his pocket, Jeff Lynne is ready to make history!
It’s the beginning of Ma Ma Belle and Richard glances up, grimaces and groans. Ohhh of course… and why not? Here is Our Jeff doing an unbelievable gusty thing and who’s standing in the wings wanting to get in on the game is McCartney, waving his Hofner and pointing anxiously at Jeff. Is that Jeff’s guitar that Bolan gave him, poking Paul in the back urging him on!?
The unconventional love, the head nodding encouragement from Richard that helps Our Hero stay in his Moment of Paradise, is faltering. Glaring at them, Richard shouts out a backward sentence through his mic, !! e-e-e-m h-t-i-w-w-w -w w-w-w--e-r-c-s t’n-o-D No Clue McCartney is finally… well maybe, understanding the memo when he sees, Hip Hop Robot with a sitar and tea cup with saucer, approaching him from between Chereene’s up to her violin, shimmering legs. (Nod to our boys)
In a Mohawk style tinsel wig Lucyfer and her henchcats are watching McCartney’s antics and can’t stand it any longer. Growling at her henchcats they foot it across stage with Fred flashing and blazing behind them. Fred has not been on a stage in ever so long, becomes stage struck, can’t move and shuts down right behind Our Hero! Jeff’s million billion zillion fans are screaming out their minds and Our Hero smile beams brighter!
Richard is beside himself. I thought Our Jeff could shake those loons traveling around for a month. There were that one time in Wales when he went missing for a good part of two days. Searching for that incomparable cowbell, my arse!
The Ninja Groupies made their way under the stage and find a trap door. Not knowing where on stage it will open, or what was unfolding above them, Nosey Saucy Welsh scrambles up the trap door ladder and cautiously lifts the door… gawks around. It opened at the back of the prayer rug. Gasp!! It’s Damey’s black shoes! A step back and Damey could fall in! The hell! Saucey!! cries Ohio Florida as she grabs Saucey's legs. Oh Chimney! says Saucey Welsh trying to kick free, It’s Fred! He’s not moving! And Lucyfer with her minions are running across the stage after No Clue! Ohio Fla now has her arms around Saucey’s waist trying to pull her down. Saucey! Get down!! Saucey, trying to get free, grabs the prayer rug and in a loud whisper screams, Fred! Fred! Snap out of it!!! It’s the disconcerted sound of Doooooo’s made because of the tea cup with saucer banging on Sir Paul’s head, a guitar mangling Ma Ma (it’s been awhile) and the sound of Chris Evans screaming because the henchcats are using him as a scratching post, that brings Fred back to life blinking and steaming. Taking the coward’s way out he heads for the trap door. Too late! Our Hero sees Fred and thinks it’s a reunion. Jeff nods at Fred with an enormous, beaming grin! Fred weakly heh, hehs, lifts his claws up and feebly waves. In a panic and because of the racket, Ohio Fla pushes herself to Saucy’s shoulders and pops her head up just as Our Hero, feeling a tug on the rug looks down and notices the open trap door. Wait, wha’!!?? Blimey! Me favorite Ninjas Groupies!! His Hot Pink etched eyes then catch McCartney running toward him swinging his bass at a tea cup with saucer, and a sitar floating above. Do ya think Bolan cares that his mate is being attacked? Ohhh… Nooooo… he’s determined to play Ma Ma with Jeff and heads out behind McCartney! Hip Hop Robot, red eyes zooming and flashing and glaring, is in hot pursuit, screeching, Get back here you ding-dongs!!
Jeff searches for a quick reassuring nod from Richard. Richard knows what’s coming and dives under his Yamaha…he hides and watches.
Our Hero stamps his foot and cries, Oh, bloody ‘ell! Piss off McCartney! The whole lot of ya! I can’t HAVE this!
The Moment Of Paradise spell that is already fragile, snaps - evaporates! Ringo is very concerned and sighs. Lord Dame isn’t going to throw down his favorite spares again is he?
Turning back, Lord Dame bends over and shoves his favorite Ninja Groupies down the trap door. Why!? I told you to stay at Bungalow Palace! I’ve enough eyeliner and mascara! Me guitar case is filled with it! Just received an order from The Eyeliner & Mascara & Stenciling Provision Depository! H W helped me drag the crates up to the Palace and unpack thank-you very much!! He hands Fred down to the groupies, grabs Paul’s bass as McCartney plummets in, grabs his guitar that Bolan ripped off, as Bolan spirit fly’s by to its own fate, and hands them down to his contrite Ninja Groupies. I told you, Saucey, I warned you! yells Ohio Fla. Sticking out her tongue and giving the "Oh brother!" rolling eyes look, Saucy Welsh stalks off shooting back stink eyes, leaving, yet again, Ohio Fla to clean up the mess. Shaking her head and royally pissed, Ohio Fla thinks, That girl! What am I to do with that brat! Damey has spoiled her rotten! Ohio Fla and a shaken Fred, who’s holding the guitars, go after Saucey. Hip Hop Robot does a 180 and heads off the stage. She hiss’s at Lucyfer and peels the henchcats off Evans, who’s down on the floor pleading for mercy, while trying to cover up with any piece of clothing that hadn’t been ripped off him.
The sitar, tea cup with saucer soar up and away toward a pair of black shades with black lenses, hovering over Hyde Park.
Roy Orbison has had enough.
Why, it’s Monkey Island down there!!
Richard, Our Jeff, Our George and Lennon need help. Time to call in all favors from legends and the shaky ones too.
How do you summon them? Are they always just hanging around having nothing better to do and you just wave them over? Hey, how you be? Fine, fine, just fine, thanks. Busy? No, no, What up?
Just a shot list of who’s, who, who heeded the call: Buddy, Big Bopper, Richie Valens, Chuck Norris, Stuart Sutcliffe, Elmore James (classic hits – Dust My Broom and Shake Your Money Maker), Harpo Marx, Divine (She’s after Jeff’s eyeliner), Jim Reeves, Syd Barrett, Jimi, Hip Linkchain (Chicago Blues guitarist - Master), Del Shannon, Keith Richards (Keith Richards? He’s not dead! Walking Dead?), The Chairman of the Board and his Rat Pack: Sammy, Deano, Peter, and Joey (Is Shirley still alive? Been reincarnated again, or did she hitch a ride on a flying saucer?), Mel Blanc, Brian Epstein, The Foggy Mountain Boys, Leslie Nielsen, Wile-e Coyote (No… I think the Road Runner finally wore that old boy out), Judy Garland, Dennis Hooper, Johnny Ray, Don Kirshner, Zuzh Bollion (classic hit – Why Don’t You Eat Where You Slept Last Night),Tennessee Ernie Ford, Mel Torme, Joey Ramone, Blind Joe Hill (One man band. like Our Hero, he played it all!), King Henry 8.0, Ricky Nelson, Rip Thorn, James Brown, Sonny Bono, Frank Zappa, Sister Rosetta Tharpe (Original Soul Sister - Aretha will agree), John Belushi, Falco, Gene Autry, and Box Car Willie. On and on and on they arrive...
The sky is filled with spirit icons hovering… waiting for instructions.
Later that night two large crates, stamped Postage Paid Upon Delivery, are seen rotating in the dark sky over Hyde Park. Both have address’s a few numbers off, as too, the zip codes. On whose doorstep will the spirits leave them? Who or what are in those spinning crates?
Doooooooooo……
McCartney – calm down!
A lot went on during the concert did it not? Need to catch a breath! But all this happened in a blip – as fast as you can say “It’s Magic!” Ma Ma Belle was never in danger of being messed with. As was His Highness Lord Dame Jeff, Genius, Richard and all those incredible musicians backing him. Am I right!?
Are you sure Jeff Lynne that you and Richard want to tour?
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