Here's a new lyric rewrite.
Last month we heard the news that Jeff had been awarded an honour by Her Majesty The Queen, who appointed him an OBE (
Officer of the Order Of The British Empire).
Eventually Jeff will be invited to Buckingham Palace to receive his medal. But he'll probably be a bit nervous on the day.
To be sung to the tune of
Evil Woman.
You've made me an OBE -
Just a bloke with dreams, from Shard End!
Hey, has anyone got some booze?
Cos I'm shakin' in me platform shoes
There's a long red carpet that leads who knows where
Gotta trek for miles, then walk up them stairs.
There's a hole in me jeans where the grain's worn thin
Just hope nobody asks me to sing
Oh-oh, usher's started callin' our names:
Hope I ain't gonna get dubbed Jeff Lord Dame
Regal woman
Regal woman
Ordeal is loomin'
Regal woman...
Strolled in, then I tumbled down
Tripped on a corgi and hit the ground
Me feet and the carpet went separate ways
Palace staff looking quite amazed
"Ha, ha," snigger the rest of the queue
Now I wanna hide in the Lords' private loo
It's no good, gotta get up again
Oh, I've left me case on the Birmingham train
Regal woman
Regal woman
Regal woman (better hold my tum in)
Regal woman
Regal woman, gettin' moved along
But whatever I say, it'll come out wrong
Ha, ha, funny line to crack her up?
I need more Time to think one up.
Now she's comin', me throat's gone dry
Court musicians playing Mr Blue Sky
Hey, hey, maybe she'll like to know
That I once met her cousin at our Wembley show?
Regal woman
Regal woman (shouldn't do my thumbin')
Regal woman (don't say things with 'bum' in)
Our Queen's a bloomin'
Regal woman!
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How the hell have I only just seen this?!
Quite , quite brilliant!